Children at risk from drinking parents

It is estimated that one million children are likely to be living with a parent whose drinking has reached harmful levels

Many of these children are trying to cope, unaided, with parents who abuse them physically, sexually, and emotionally, and who may fail to feed and clothe them properly. Too often children in this situation do not know where to turn for help. Their childhood disappears under a burden of responsibility they should not be asked to carry. In other families, where there is no history of abuse or conflict, children may lead relatively normal lives, despite their parents' drinking.

This is the stark message of reports published by Alcohol Concern, the national agency on alcohol: Under the Influence: coping with parents who drink too much, and by ChildLine, the free national help line for children in trouble or danger: Beyond the limit: children who live with parental alcohol abuse.

Both Alcohol Concern and ChildLine call for a national, Government led initiative to deal with the problem. The studies carried out by the two organisations illustrate the stress children experience, the fears to which they are subjected, and the collusion within the family to keep the problem hidden.

A number of key points emerge from the reports.

Children are as likely as their parents to fear the involvement of social services, especially when they are in a one-parent family.

Teachers need to be alert to the possibility of alcohol problems being the cause of problems at home. School counsellors have an important role to play here, especially as most parents will not be in contact with helping agencies about their drinking.

It may be that some time away from the family situation would help the child in question.

It is important to remember that children not only need help when the parent is drinking but also after this has stopped in order to help them resolve their own feelings and to adjust to the new situation.

Alcohol Concern also makes the point that professionals working with parents in treatment for alcohol abuse need to find ways of involving families in the process and helping them prepare for changed roles and a new family life. Many private specialist agencies and treatment centres provide family programmes with this end in mind but a great deal remains to be done.

The two reports describe in graphic detail what life is like for some of these children. They never know what to expect from their parents because problem drinkers behave unpredictably: there are wild swings from aggression and violence, to silent withdrawal, to talkativeness, or maudlin emotion. The celebration of family events, such as birthdays, becomes impossible. Children cannot bring friends home because they do not know what they will find: a parent unconscious, perhaps injured, vomiting, or incontinent. Children in this kind of family have to deal with these situations as routine.

It is not unusual for children to feel guilty or that they are somehow at fault for their parents' drinking. They react in different ways: some become difficult or unruly, others withdraw into themselves. There is the fear that the same fate awaits them as has overtaken their father or mother.

Of the children of problem drinking parents who contacted ChildLine, 51 per cent mentioned their father as the problem drinker, 33 per cent their mother, stepmother, or father's girlfriend, 7 per cent both parents, and 6 per cent mother's boyfriend or stepfather.

Alcohol Concern and ChildLine are calling for a national initiative to combat the effects of problem drinking in families, including a high-profile public awareness campaign - along the lines of the successful drink-driving campaign - to bring attention to the impact of drunken parenting. The aim should be, the report says, "not to accuse and condemn, but to inform, explain, and encourage parents to ask for help." Being drunk in charge of a child should be as socially unacceptable as drink-driving.

They urge the Government to take a lead in ensuring that all agencies in contact with children and their families recognise their responsibility to help parents to function better and to remove from children the fear that the family will be split up, unless there is absolutely no alternative.

The recommendations of the reports are that:

• The Government should oblige local authorities to address the needs of children of problem drinking parents in their Children's Service Plans and Community Care Plans, giving authorities specific guidance and, where necessary, making extra resources available;

• There should be intensive local training for doctors, nurses, teachers, social workers, lawyers, police, youth workers, and many others, to help them to recognise and support the children of problem drinkers;

• Good quality family support, such as counselling, family mediation, and money advice, should be provided to help families under stress because of job loss, death, separation, and divorce - all things that can trigger drinking problems in parents left to cope alone;

• Counselling services and support for young people who are actually caring for parents with drinking problems, including respite and crisis care for the parents to give the children a break, should be provided.

They also call for:

• More support for women with drinking problems, including residential, community, and day care facilities, since women are more likely to be condemned for excessive drinking than men, go to greater lengths to conceal their drinking, and remain the main carers, so that their children are strongly affected;

• Since violence is one of the main threats that drunken fathers pose to families, help for them in changing their behaviour, and steps to protect the victims of their violence;

• Support for the partners of parents who misuse alcohol.

Sue Baker, assistant director of Alcohol Concern, said: "One of the main barriers to helping children whose parents have drink problems is the social stigma surrounding alcohol-related problems.

"Acceptance that this is the case would go a long way to help parents acknowledge their problem and enable them, and their children, to seek support. All parents want to do the best for their children and parents with alcohol problems are no different. They need support to help them ensure that their children are unaffected."

Valerie Howarth, chief executive of ChildLine, commented: "Most children who tell ChildLine about their parents' drinking problems desperately want to remain with their families. They often still love the drinker while hating their behaviour while they are under the influence of alcohol. Our proposals are aimed at keeping families together, while providing the back-up that children need, and encouraging the parents, who are themselves terrified of having their children taken away, to seek help.

"The right kind of help...could prevent many of the problems that result in the abuse of alcohol and harm to children."

She added, "We are not seeking to make people feel guilty about drinking, nor to raise parents' anxieties...

"We are simply saying that parents should not be drunk in charge of children. Children don't want it and shouldn't have to put up with it. But neither should we be blind to the desperation which turns people into problem drinkers, nor to the need to offer help rather than just blame."

The message in ChildLine's report is greatly strengthened by quotations from the children who have called them about the problems they face from a drinking parent.

"I hate the bastard. He comes in drunk and hits me and my sister for no reason."

"She says she doesn't love me and she wishes I'd never been born. I go to my room and cry. Dad left because of her drinking."

"I've been involved with drinking, drugs, fighting, I'm desperate to change. I don't want to be like Dad."

"I can't get on with my work at school because I'm always thinking about what's going on at home...Mum drinks and Dad left".

Under the Influence: coping with parents who drink too much is published by Alcohol Concern, Waterbridge House, 32-36 Loman Street, London SE1 0EE (0171 928 7377).

Beyond the Limit: children who live with parental alcohol misuse may be obtained from ChildLine, Royal Mail Building, Studd Street, London, N1 0BR, or by telephoning 0171 239 1097/1098.

Children can call ChildLine on 0800 1111 or write to ChildLine, Freepost 1111, London N1 0BR.